Friday, April 30, 2010

So We Went Looking For Apartments...

We are still students. Fiance graduates from undergrad in less than two weeks, and starts medical school in August. I graduate next May. We went to the town of his med school last Friday (about two hours away from the university we both attend now) to look at apartments. We spent the night there because we went to his "Second Look" (which is like a pre-orientation) for the medical school Friday which took all day, then looked at apts and scoped out the area the next day. We fell in love with one place in particular and are looking to sign a contract with them and move in around July.

It felt good to finally see the town where our marriage will start. It's in Tucson, AZ about two hours from Phoenix and it has a baaad reputation for being boring. Well, I guess we're two boring people because we loved the place and the affordability of nice apartments to choose from. A far cry from the jacked up prices surrounding ASU!

I remember a few months back, I ran into a mutual friend of a friend on campus at school. This girl and I rarely talk and the living arrangements of my fiance and I came up in the conversation. I told her we were looking to rent while he was in med-school. She responded with "Oh, well, MY boyfriend (who isn't in school) is looking for a house. I have to have a house when I'm married, and if he has it now, that's less work for me to do when the time comes. But, you know, that's just me."

This is not the first time I've heard a girl try to push the opinion that marriage=house. It just sticks out in my mind because this conversation really made me realize how much I'd grown apart from wanting to remain "frenemies" with people who compare notes and whatnot. I've had a long history of similar situations with this person: my life, my man, my everything is better than x, y, z. I am learning to let people's values/customs not compete with or crowd out my own. If you've never had to deal with this, fine. For the rest of you women who can relate, wave a hand in the air. Alot of people view marriage as a rite of passage, and it just amplifies some of the silly things people get caught up in even more.

So, I will move into an APARTMENT with my husband this July. I am no bourgeoisie person by any means. And it will be a welcome haven for us from the stresses and difficulties of the outside world. And later, when we are more firmly established we can build our foundation together, look for a house together, and feel that we truly grew up together. Like we've been doing.

Marriages come in all shapes and sizes. Some people enter into them with no children, with children, with no exes, with a slew of ex-partners, divorced, never before married, virgin, not virgin, interracial, interfaith, age gap, long distance....And I never look at any one any different than the other. I understand that every marriage will bring joys and challenges and I can't base mine as better or worse than anyone else's. That's the problem with thinking that there is a cookie-cutter way to do things. I never stop to think about all of the diverse lives of some of my favorite blogging brides. Most of the time, we relish in fun wedding details and don't care to share our lives with the world. I realize that the nice thing about the bloggers I read all have one thing in common: excitement for the next step in their lives. The positivity is so full on these blogs that I never find myself reading about the silly things that sometimes get in the way of real-life interactions. (How big is your ring, how much is the wedding, whose paying for what, what are your living arrangements etc.).

I choose not to share much of my personal life on this blog but I do think that sometimes the things we have in common (meaning myself and my readers) go beyond planning a ceremony and reception. We all had to get through some journey to get to this next step where we are ready to get married, and we still find ourselves learning about ourselves and our partners.

And I want to pass on this link to a very relatable (for me) post on about a bride whose dealing with a slew of awkward situations involving facebook/wedding. My solution? I deleted mine, for wedding related reasons and others.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Our First Dance Song

A Strong Contender, "Someone" by Musiq Soulchild.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Too Sad For Words

A black engaged couple gunned down and killed right after returning home from their engagement party.

Read the article here.

They are still together on the other side, that is the only comfort I can say out of this tragedy. I am saying a prayer to God for all of the engaged women who read my blog, and my fiance, thanking Him for getting us this far and hoping that we all can get to the next stage in our lives that we are so excited for, God willing.

This is unbelievable.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Ceremony Ideas

We think we would like to do a sand ceremony. With pink and white sand. Another project for me to do.

(I love how the fiance sits back and does NOTHING FOR THIS WEDDING. I mean, I don't do much either, there's not that much we HAVE to do, but still. Why is the responsibility always on the bride? Don't mind me, I'm PMS-ing. The wedding of my dreams would have been eloping in a beautiful place. Whatever.)

And I think I would like to have one, or both, of the following pieces read at the ceremony:

"The Art Of Marriage"
by Wilferd A. Peterson

Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens.
A good marriage must be created.
In the art of marriage the little things are the big things...
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is at no time taking the other for granted;
the courtship should not end with the honeymoon,
it should continue through all the years.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together facing the world.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude
of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.
It is speaking words of appreciation
and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not looking for perfection in each other.
It is cultivating flexibility, patience,
understanding and a sense of humor.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is finding room for the things of the spirit.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal,
dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.
It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.
It is discovering what marriage can be, at its best.

And "Love" by Roy Croft:

I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.
I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple;
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.
I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all.

What are you doing for your ceremony?

The Pink Bride

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